Too late to go to school for music?
Date: July 28, 2015
I have struggled for years with whether or not it would even be possible for me to go to school for music.
I am 28 years old. Year after year, I get really depressed about never having gone to school to pursue music. I go through all of the regrets (how much time has been wasted, how I could have been somehow trying to learn as much as possible outside of school, and that I SHOULD have been trying to get more involved in music by trying to start a new group or getting out there and trying to gig). I know obviously my big issue here is fear of failure, as that would explain why - instead of trying to do what I can- I have ended up doing nothing. And now I am left with nothing.
I've tried pursuing other options, but I always feel a pull for music. I sing with a chorus in my area, and I am so grateful to have that in my life. I love singing, I love harmony. I knew I never wanted to be a principal singer in an opera, or a lead star in a band- I actually enjoy chorus roles and background singing. I always thought I'd love to go for music education, but then when I see or hear teachers I know talk about their jobs, they don't seem very happy, so then I'm not sure WHAT I should do. I just know I love music, and I want to be involved in it as much as possible in my life, but most options usually require a degree.
My close friends and family always say "you can do anything you want, follow your dreams, it's never too late!" But they are not always practical, because they love me haha
Being so much older, could I even get accepted? Would I be good enough? Would it even be possible to go now that I have insurance, car payments, so many other bills to pay that an 18 year old most likely wouldn't have to worry about? And that's the other thing...Could I keep up with students so much younger than myself? Would I just be this isolated oddball? I didn't ever get to have private coaching or lessons and my family never got me involved in anything because they weren't involved with music or college whatsoever. I didn't go to a high school that put emphasis on the arts, let alone being consulted about going to college and so forth.
I feel sad that I missed out on so many potentially wonderful and amazing learning opportunities, and the opportunity to just be a part of that world. I know I can never get those opportunities being the age I am now (college life, music summer camps that were for teenagers,etc), but I still want to be able to somehow have more music in my life.
I am just sincerely interested in getting others' advice. Is it practical? Should I just attempt more along the lines of having music in my own personal life (i.e. trying to afford personal lessons, forming a group to gig with, or finding an agent to maybe get some backup singing jobs?)
Are there certain people I should be reaching out to/ talking to?
A few years ago, I wrote to a professor at a university I really had wanted to go to, and I had expressed similar concerns such as age,etc (although now that I look back I'm like "you were only 25!") I was disappointed when I got my reply and this professor had not only really not addressed any parts of my letter whatsoever, but they had recommended me read a book they'd written to help me. I read it, and it had nothing even remotely to do with what I was struggling with, so I was left very disheartened and disappointed. I tried to take that as a sign to move on, and I felt good about that for a while, but this surging wave of regret and sadness always comes back at some point every year.
Thank you for reading and for your thoughts.
It's a vicious cycle- I get so depressed that I think "I MUST try to do this, I WILL try to do this, I will put myself out there!" But the fear is so strong that it prevents me from ever even really trying, so I do nothing...and back to the beginning!
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